That's us: Borderline and me
First of all, I want to thank you for being on my page and going through my content. I hope you you will be able to take something away for yourself and benefit.
If, like me, you live with borderline personality disorder, you have my deep respect for holding out until now. I wish you the courage and the strength to get help and to continue the journey to yourself !
Borderliner: Who? Where, what?
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Awareness and Sensitization: Putting an End to BPD Stigma
I and Borderline have been living together for a very long time. I often thought we were going to kill ourselves, we couldn't do it. It was close. Often times I found it so unfair to see others and to think how simple life could be?
At least a lot easier, I sometimes noticed when I was around other people - or on social media. I can't even imagine a normal family? A job for a long time? Stability? What is taken for granted for others was a hell of a fight for me.
And then I keep hearing: "Borderlines are psychos" , "I never want to deal with borderliners" - you probably know that. I get really aggressive there.
People with borderline personality disorder:
I am valuable too
Just because I had a very difficult childhood and adolescence, am I being judged for being different?
That I can't cope - is that why? I try, I fight and I do psychotherapy, I do sports and I'm nice, meanwhile I'm almost only mean to myself.
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If you don't have borderline, you can't understand what hell we're going through.
I was recently at a workshop - one person kept doing it based on personal experience derogatory remarks about people with borderline personality disorder and how unreasonable they are. I smiled over it - but on graduation day I came home, fell into bed and started crying.
I fell into a hole of "I don't want to anymore", "I don't like anymore", "I want to die", "Life is only pain." And then I realized: Shit, that had done something to me the whole time . I had to hear the whole time that I (because borderline) was not reasonable for groups - and I sat in a group and got along great with everyone, including the leader.
Destigmatization and education about borderlines
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I was so hurt, I was so angry, I sat down and wrote this page. And I'm incredibly happy about it, because I've wanted to do this for years.
I want to make a website to show people without this personality disorder: With our trauma we need a lot of support and help to learn to go with what happened to us .
But we too are lovable and reasonable under our protective cloak!
But above all, I am doing this site for other borderline people to show them: Yes, it works! And when it is then, believe me: Then you are lights! Then you radiate your courage, your wisdom, your kindness and your deep love through every pore.
And then it would be great if you got up and said: I live with borderline and I am just as valuable - and show other people with this personality disorder what helped you. I talk to people around me about my having BPD so that they can understand what happens to me sometimes.
I also try to stand by my scars, not to hide them, to show: I am still normal (this topic still unsettles me, I always have the feeling that everyone thinks I'm a psycho). In this way, we, who have already taken a few steps in the process, can promote the destigmatization of borderlines and at the same time encourage those who are "not yet ready".
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For this we need friends and people who support us
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In order to notice for the first time that we somehow have a healthy part, that we are lovable, that we are tolerable, we need very special people who show us that. I remember the wonderful Claire who said to me in Ireland: "Joanna, you are full of love." That did a lot of beautiful things to me.
Or Michael, who gave me the 10/10 travel companion ranking after our Cyprus vacation, which touched me very much. These little things are balm for our wound healing . Look for people who you can see your true nature through the small holes of your thick protective walls - and who handle it carefully. They exist and they are priceless.
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Thank you, Daniel , who showed me that I am reasonable and loving, showed me my way out of hell .
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Thank you, Michael , who showed me that I am here and will not go away .
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Thank you, Sara and Pilar , who always encouraged me to go on with their magical, loving manner.
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Thank you, Lukas, for moving me to write and move on if I'd rather lay down.
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Thank you, Robin , who rode my up-and-down roller coaster again and again and softened the extremes with humor.
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I thank my family with Kerstin and Julie , who were always there for me , no matter what happened before.
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I thank mom , who encourages me to stand by myself and my brother Florian , who is a brave fighter himself and who always gives me guide with his wisdom and humor.
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I would like to thank Anja, Jessica and the whole team for accompanying me not only as a therapist, but with so much more . You gave me a floor and wings .
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Thank you, Thomas , with your horses - thank you, horses , for making me feel .
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Thank you, Kerstin and Roland and this great group , that I was allowed to start the wondrous journey to myself with you.
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Thank you, Maria , for your support for my project and your kind words, this is balm for my night shift-homepage-work-soul :)
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And thank you sea, magnet of the sensitive (after Nina George), where I found my peace again and again.
i-Borderline: Why my website is called what it's called
The name of the website came to mind straight away: i-borderline. Of course with a wink to these i-things from Apple, but also because I'm NOT borderline .
I have it and we're getting on better now. Indeed there is the "I" and the "borderline" and I can finally say that it no longer has me under control. I am (sometimes almost) free: i-borderline.
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I remember a conversation I had with mine here sister-in-law Julie. She said: "You know, Johanna, I'm not angry with you. I can tell what you are and what is the disease." That touched me a lot at the time and was a big "Ohhh, right" for me.
So, you brave warrior, you brave warrior, I wish you all the love and strength on your way that will help you to put one foot in front of the other. And the knowledge that should carry you that you are destined for something greater here: You have a meaning here!
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All the best
Johanna